The Impact of Your Long Distance Bestie
Childhood and hometown besties are the basis for how we approach adult friendships.
October 18th, 2023
One day you’re in middle school laughing with your bestie until your ribs hurt (s/o Lorde) and the next you’re stark in the middle–or beginning–of adulthood wishing they were still by your side. There’s something irreplaceable about the people who’ve seen you grow up or have known you the longest. After all, you went through a good chunk of milestones together. Your first kiss, your first job, your first love and your first heartbreak. From petty drama to major drama – they’re the first you reach out to spill the tea…and for a somewhat ~*objective*~ opinion of course. Because at the end of the day they know your heart of hearts better than anyone else. Like your niche sense of humor, your biggest triggers and exactly how to ruthlessly call you out on your shit. But I genuinely believe that there’s something deeper here.
Prior to graduating, being around like-minded people in your age group was a given. It was easy af to meet someone with similar interests and aspirations. Which of course, usually leads to a solid foundation for friendship. Once you enter your post-grad era though, you start to realize that forming adult friendships doesn’t come as seamlessly as you would’ve thought. Everyone wants a dynamic that’s organic and refreshing but also fun, exciting and not forced. Without as much exposure to people that you would naturally click with, you can end up in a bit of a funk. Of course there’s always co-workers but navigating the boundaries between your professional and personal persona can be a slippery slope. How soon should you let them in or should you even let them in at all? That’s where your long distance bestie comes in. They’re there for you even when you feel like you have no one at all. Which was very much my reality during my first year in the city.
I clung onto the first folks I encountered because being somewhat sure about a person was better than feeling isolated on my own little island. But the moment you start compromising your boundaries or expectations for the sake of company is when you’re usually met with a shallow connection. I’ve learned this the hard way and that’s not to say that those failed connections didn’t serve a purpose. They all did. From listening to your intuition at the first glimpse of a red flag, to continuously evolving what you value in your relationships and even compartmentalizing the purpose each person serves in your life. All of these experiences are ultimately what shapes the path that you’re on because after all – “tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are”.
Our long distance besties are one-of-a-kind friendships and they’re what sets the bar for newcomers. But those connections will realistically never be matched. And that’s perfectly fine. In fact, it’s what makes them that much more special. So next time I find myself approaching a new friendship I have a single question: would my long distance bestie approve? The answer to that will never lead me astray.